I want to buy all nukes that have been built on this earth, every single one of them!

Tell me how much you want for it, I'll raise the money, I can do it!
Which license does a private person even need to hold such weapons?

Come on, that's a fair deal, money against nuclear 'options'...a bomb has nothing left to lose except for itself maybe. Ha.
Then you really have someone to blame, someone who takes responsibility and can be indicted for war crimes, only if the worst comes to the worst of course.